the concept of 'work'
For most of my life, I've been quite a hard worker when it came to what I considered as 'work', regardless of what it was I was doing. And when it came to play, I really was (and still am) the laziest person. It's interesting to me, because the less effort I put into play, the better time I had (hence why I am incredibly terrible at sports).
Creativity and artistic endeavors aren't new to me, I've been doing it for quite a while now, especially musical things. But I always went into it with an attitude of play and not work.
That's why making covers and abstract paintings are so fulfilling for me in terms of my OWN entertainment, because it comes naturally to me in my moments when I want to put in the least amount of effort, when I'm just playing around.
I've always had a negative connotation surrounding the concept 'work' and very much followed the whole 'if you're doing something you love, you don't have to work a single day in your life' kind of mentality. But I realized that that mentality and lifestyle is not FOR everybody. For me personally, I cannot put in the work if I considered it as play... and that's just who I am. Of course, when I'm sometimes experimenting with things a level of play contributes to the outcome. But to to produce an outcome that goes beyond self-enjoyment I need to put in the work. I need to LEARN and GROW and see new perspectives and give things time. Whether that puts you through some dirt or not.
When it comes to something that's for a greater cause, or the common good, embracing the suck is necessary. Growing through darkness and uncertainty is necessary to get to a place you are not right now.
I guess I always had a flight response from putting in work because up until a certain point I was putting in the work I saw no clear vision in (my research in university). I thought I was just being controlled like a puppet in society. This experience gave me a habitual flight response to anything that required work, learning, systems, routines, and anything else that would help someone keep themselves accountable when they were 'not feeling it'.
But now that my visions are different and clearer, that I'm working for something that is intuitive to ME and not just the people around me, there is nothing left to do but to embrace the suck and to never give up to get there. No excuses.